Dealing With A Toxic Friendship

Photo by Yanapi Senaud on Unsplash

Remember when having lots of friends meant everything? When you were younger and being popular was a big deal. I guess this may not have been the same for everyone, but I can remember my childhood being somewhat focused on trying to have lots of friends and wondering what was wrong with me if I didn’t. But that was over 15 years ago, and a lot’s changed.

I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have, are amazing. I spend time with people who lift me up, inspire me and are always there. I’d like to think that I do the same for them.

This wasn’t always the case though, as I have had my fair share of toxic friendships.

‘Friends’ who make you feel unworthy, ‘friends’ who stop making an effort and ‘friends’ who blame you for everything that might be going wrong. It’s all too easy to wear rose-tinted glasses when it comes to toxic friendships.

Don’t get me wrong, it works both ways. I admit that I have probably been that toxic friend at times, and that makes me sad. However, if I make a mistake, I own it and work towards changing it.

How do you know when a friendship has become toxic? Well, ask yourself this: does this person make you happy?

If the answer is no, then it’s pretty easy to determine. But, it’s not always that easy. Maybe they make you happy from time to time but catch them on a bad day and they put you down and leave you feeling as though you wish you cancelled that lunch date?

We’ve all been there.

Does this person only get in touch when they want something? We all ask for favours, and that’s perfectly normal. But there is a line as to whether you’re asking for a favour and just assuming you’ll get what you want from someone — and that’s not fair.

We all have our own lives, and it’s hard to find a balance sometimes. I’ve let go of people who have only come to me when they need a favour or to do things as and when it suits them.

I’ve had friends push the blame on me and I realised that enough’s enough.

We don’t deserve to feel like we are burdens on our friends, and we too, should never make someone feel like that.

Maybe you’re thinking; ‘Can I just let go? Isn’t that a bit harsh?’…

Well, there does come a time where we have to be harsh. And that time is when you decide to put yourself first. If you feel that a friendship has grown to become toxic, you have every right to take yourself out of the situation. You don’t have to be cruel, there are nicer ways to let go.

With me, some friendships have just fizzled out once I put myself first. Normally, if the friendship is toxic, the minute you stop putting in the amount of effort you normally do, true colours shine through.

Just remember to put yourself first. It’s the most important thing because most of us think we are to blame if a friendship becomes toxic. And hey, sometimes, maybe we are.

But sometimes, we aren’t — and that’s when its time to let go and start putting yourself first again.